All things are bad, and college football is no different. Here’s a comprehensive guide on how to hate every team in each power five conference. All information is from Athlon Sports or Phil Steele.

Louisville

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Lamar Jackson, the Heisman contender you haven’t heard of

Coach: Bobby “Balls Deep” Petrino. Has made more terrible decisions than all players on his team, combined.

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Banned from a South Carolina high school. Seriously.

Key Players: Lamar Jackson(QB), James Quick(WR), Keith Kelsey(ILB), Devonte Fields(OLB), Trumaine Washington(CB), Josh Harvey-Clemons(S). Returns 17 starters, putting them at 14th in the country, second in the ACC. I want to take a second to talk about Lamar Jackson, because he’s awesome, and he deserves better than Louisville. Lamar Jackson threw for nearly 2000 yards last season, along with 12 touchdown tosses, and he ran for nearly a thousand, with 11 touchdowns on the ground.

Player G Cmp Att Pct Yds Y/A AY/A TD Int Rate
Newton
14
185
280
66.1
2854
10.2
11.2
30
7
182
Griffin III
13
291
402
72.4
4293
10.7
11.8
37
6
189.5
Manziel
13
295
434
68
3706
8.5
8.8
26
9
155.3
Winston
14
257
384
66.9
4057
10.6
11.5
40
10
184.8
Mariota
15
304
445
68.3
4454
10
11.5
42
4
181.7
Jackson
12
135
247
54.7
1840
7.4
7
12
8
126.8

 

There’s his stats last year, compared to the last six “dual-threat” quarterbacks that won the Heisman. Is it fair to compare a freshman quarterback to Heisman winners? No, but it’s my blog, so I can compare him to Godzilla if I want to. Even with the absurd comparison and ridiculous implied expectations with this chart, there’s a few things I want to note. Firstly, that’s just the passing one, I’ll have the rushing one in a minute. Secondly, Lamar Jackson played the least games, threw the least passes, and is the youngest player in this group. He’s still pretty raw as a passer, but the potential is there. Now, the running stats tell a different story.

Player G Att Yds Avg TD
Newton
14
264
1473
5.6
20
Griffin III
13
179
699
3.9
10
Manziel
13
201
1410
7
21
Winston
14
88
219
2.5
4
Mariota
15
135
770
5.7
15
Jackson
12
163
960
5.9
11

Jackson had the fourth most rushing attempts, third most yards, and the second best average. All of that, still in only 12 games. The point of all of this is that Bobby Petrino is going to waste a really fun and talented player because he sucks at coaching.

Where: Louisville, Kentucky. Fun fact: Kentucky is 44th in state health, but 1st in bourbon production. Thank god for small victories.

Why should you hate them: Well, I already touched on Bobby Petrino being a terrible person and coach, but trust me, there’s plenty more reasons to hate Louisville. Lamar Jackson threw and ran for 100 yards in a game five times last season, and he’s going to do that more this season, and they’ll win a maximum of 9 games, because BCS bowl games are overrated. Oh, and last season, they wore these atrocities.
louisvilleuni.0louisvilleuni2.0louisvilleuni3.0.0louisvilleuni4.0
WHY IS THE CARDINAL SO REAL LOOKING? JESUS CHRIST WHAT IS THAT THING? WHY IS THE BACKGROUND SO LOUD? WHY DOES ADIDAS HATE ME? EVEN THE SOCKS HAVE TOO MUCH GOING ON. YOU SHOULD HATE LOUISVILLE BECAUSE THEY HATE YOU, YOUR EYES, AND MOST OF ALL, THEY HATE LAMAR JACKSON.

UP NEXT: MIAMI

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