All things are bad, and college football is no different. Here’s a comprehensive guide on how to hate every team in each power five conference. All information is from Athlon Sports or Phil Steele.


Clemson, participating in their annual heart-crushing loss

Coach: Dabo “Dat Boy” Swinney. Notorious for being the combination of a preppy southern college student (it’s the hair) and a second rate NASCAR driver.

Key Players: Deshasun Watson(QB), Wayne Gallman(RB), Artavis Scott(WR), Ben Boulware(OLB), Carlos Watkins(DT), Cordrea Tankersley(CB). Returns 12 starters, good enough for 101st on Phil Steele’s experience chart, last in the ACC, even with that, they’ll still probably win the ACC, because the ACC is terrible.

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Future Ex Cleveland Browns Quarterback, Deshaun Watson

Where: Clemson, South Carolina


Why should you hate them: The term “Clemsoning” was coined sometime in the 2000’s, but became popular when Clemson started 2011 with an 8-0 record and then Clemsoned their way to a 10-4 record, losing 4 of their last 6 games, the final one being in a 70-33 blowout loss to West Virginia in the Orange Bowl. Since that season, Clemsoning has become even more popular with Dabo’s tigers, though he’d never admit it. In 2012 they went 11-2, with losses to Florida State, and South Carolina. 2013 delivered the EXACT SAME RECORD WITH LOSSES TO THE EXACT SAME TEAMS. 2014 brought a 10-3 record, with losses to Georgia, Georgia Tech, and you guessed it, Florida State. I smell a pattern. 2015, well, just watch the vine.

I take no joy in watching that. I know that pain, that pain is a huge part of being a college football fan, and Clemson fans have experienced that pain every year for all of their existences. Clemson has one national championship. They were the fifth most winningest program in the 80’s, and they got out with one(1) championship. But I digress from the depressing existence that is Clemson football, there’s much more to hate about them, not just the fact that they’re the Indianapolis Colts of college football. They have one of the best color combinations in college football, and some of the worst uniforms. Nike hates Clemson more than I do. Clemson is going to waste Deshaun Watson, just like they wasted Tahj Boyd, and then he’s going to go to Cleveland and die a horrible death by glass bottles thrown by degenerate Browns(keep in mind, I’m a Browns fan, we’re so terrible that even we hate us). Clemson is going to lose anywhere from 1-3 games today, and beat up on some poor team (Michigan) in the Orange Bowl, whilst hurting Deshaun Watson in the process because if they can’t have him no one can. You should hate Clemson because loving them is only going to hurt you, and it’s more fun watching their fifteenth string wide receiver fumble on the one yard-line in the ACC championship against one of the other teams in the ACC that certainly isn’t Boston College if you hate them.


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