All things are bad, and college football is no different. Here’s a comprehensive guide on how to hate every team in each power five conference. All information is from Athlon Sports or Phil Steele.

Boston College

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Coach: Steve Addazio. 4th year at Boston College. Certified dude.
steve addazio

Key Players: Patrick Towles(QB), Jon Hilliman(RB), Thadd Smith(WR), Connor Strachan(MLB), Matt Milano(OLB), John Johnson(S).

 

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Patrick Towles, great hair, not so great quarterback

Where: Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts.

 

Why should you hate them: Last season, Boston College had the best defense in the nation, and went 3-9. How? How can you be that brutally incompetent on offense, to the point where you completely cancel out such a dominant defense. Imagine, the horror those poor defenders must have felt as they came off the field after yet another stop, just to see their offense stumble around for three plays and then punt. Their punter was almost surely the best player on the offense last year, and he’s off to a better place now. 4 quarterbacks threw at least 42 passes for Boston College last year, and 3(!) of them were freshmen. NOT A SINGLE ONE HAD A COMPLETION PERCENTAGE ABOVE 52%. Their best running back is back from an injury he suffered last year, so at least they have that going for them. Their leading receiver last year had 17 receptions and 233 yards. Yikes. Now they have Patrick Towles, who came out of high school as a four star and proceeded to NEVER HAVE A SEASON WHERE HE COMPLETED MORE THAN 57% OF HIS PASSES. You should hate Boston College because of their crimes against offense, and because the most points they scored last year against a non-Howard opponent was 24, against Maine. For what it’s worth, they dropped 76 on Howard, because they hate you, and themselves. The offense averaged 17 points last year, somehow not the worst in the country, but close, at 121st. They also averaged 111 yards in the air, and 275 yards total, good enough for 125th and 126th, respectively. That 125 puts them above Navy, Army, and Georgia Southern, three triple option teams, one of which once beat Florida WITHOUT A SINGLE PASSING YARD. The 126 puts Boston College in elite company with Kent State, the team that scored less than 10 points in 7 of its 12 games, and UCF, the team that tied Kansas for least wins last year, with a whopping zero wins. Zero. As in, they took the field 12 times, against teams of varying skill levels, and lost, all 12 times. One of those games was against Furman, an FCS team that finished with a 4-7 record. Boston College also managed to have this offense with the 70th best running attack which is not nearly as bad as you would expect, making their passing numbers and total numbers even more upsetting. They’ll probably be better this year, I mean, they can’t be worse, but they still aren’t going to be any kind of good. Their defense is still going to be great, and their offense will still void any effort the defense makes. It’s kind of a depressing metaphor for college football as a whole. No matter how good the best teams are, there will always be bad teams who are that much worse. Boston College’s football program is a walking, breathing metaphor for mediocrity, and that, above all else, is why you should hate them.

NEXT UP: CLEMSON

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